Secrets to conversation

The best techniques to overcome the fear of eye contact anxiety eternally

eye_contact (1)

Have you ever realized how much one moment of locking eyes can mean? Try looking a stranger in the eye or even someone you know pretty well. Eyes are one of the best attributes of human expression because they can be direct and elusive, as well as show a million different emotions in just one look. Even one glance can tell you a lot about a person’s character, especially if a smile or smirk is thrown in.

But, many times……

People are terrified to have eye contact with other during conversations, interviews and even speeches.Many say that every time someone is having a long conversation with them, they just can’t keep eye contact with them. Their mind starts racing and are so busy wondering what they look like and if they are doing it right, they miss what the person is saying. Or sometimes some folks are just not used to making eye contact with other people they meet!

little girl (2-3 years) hiding behind hands

But how can you overcome your fear when its time to deliver eye contact?

Here are my seven best tips to help you get rid of those nerves you get when delivering eye contact!

1) Walk down a busy street and for every person coming towards you, just try to hold eye contact and smile. Even if thast for only 2 to 3 seconds. You’ll notice how many people perk up and will return a warm smile or even greet you with a nod, eyebrow or even a good morning!

Then once you feel comfortable with step 1 then go on to step 2.

2) Then start greeting those strangers with a simple “Hi” while smiling and holding eye contact. Again, you’ll notice how many people return the gesture and how it encourages your mood and motivates you. This will help manage approach anxiety as well.


3) Use the t.v as practice. But how? 

When you watch your favorite t.v show on or even just watching the news in the morning or during the evening look straight at the TV and really try to make eye contact with all the characters on the screen the way you’d focus on a conversational partner in real life. A fantastic source could be the “News” shows where the presenter looks and talks right to you tend to be the best.

4) According to Body language by James Borg “Instead of looking directly into their eyes imagine a triangle on the persons forehead with the two corners of the base coinciding with each of the eye.” Make sure you don’t look beneath the eyes. Either look at the forehead, top of nose or corner of eyes.  Or you can look somewhere nearby and the other person won’t be able to tell.


5) Another helpful tip is to know that it’s easier to make eye contact for a short period of time vs. a during longer conversation. When you’re learning you could start off by  trying to make eye contact for quick,”forgettable conversations with people like cashiers, waiters and tellers. That is an easy way to practice and learn quickly.

6) Relax and have a pleasant look on your face. When you do make eye contact with someone lighten up your face. Don’t ever put on a grouchy face because if you do you might intimidate accidentally or give the wrong impression. Put on a hint of a smile or at least relax your face as much as possible. You want it to look warm, inviting and pleasant, perhaps how it would look if you were talking to a friend.

7) According to nicknotas.comFocus on one eye at a time. It’s almost impossible to look at both simultaneously and comes off weird when you try.”

You need to practice until it becomes second nature. And not just occasional practice or with certain people, either. It needs to be with every person you come in contact with — no exceptions!


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