One of the hardest things that we as humans face is the act of trying to resolve a problem!!
Everyone that we know including ourselves can agree to above statement 100 percent! And many times we will go through problem’s with our families, friends, coworkers and we try to avoid the complication but for some reason we can’t avoid them. They come our way and we must deal with them. And we were all taught that in order to solve a dilemma it’s not correct to get angry and go Rambo crazy on the other person. That makes everything much worse but it’s just so easy to go down that road.
So what can we do to become experts in resolving conflict’s?
What If I Told You That There Is A 4 Step Process That Can Help You Solve Everyday Conflict!
Would You Be Interested?
Of Course You Would!
Here’s The Secret:
1. See The Problem: “I hear”
2. Find Common Ground: “I agree”
3. Understand the other Individual: “I understand”
4. State Your view: “I think”
You will learn these four simple messages that will guide and steer you in the right path to solving conflicts without all the mad behavior. During your process of conversing with the other person you will use these four messages and you will see how is easy it is to implement them and watch how you become a masterful resolver!
1) I hear
Many times we fight with our friends or family and then at the end we find out that there was a complete misunderstanding. Then we feel terrible and we begin to feel foolish of our argument with the other person. So when an obstacle comes first you must make sure and find out that everyone is arguing about the same thing. So in order to find out you can say ” What I hear you saying is that…” and once you say the line you can definitely make sure that everyone is on the same page.
2) I agree
Many times when we are disagreeing with others we always tend to forget this step which is to find common ground. But what does finding common ground mean? Its finding something during your conversation that both of you agree on.
For example lets say that Aiden took three chocolate chip cookies without asking his mother for permission. When his mother finds out she freaks out and scolds Aiden. Now Aiden’s excuse is that he was hungry and she was out the whole day. But then he say’s “Now mom I do agree that I took some of the cookies without permission but…”. As we see Aiden agreed with his mother and this is powerful because when you agree with someone else in an altercation you immediate begin to lower their defense mechanism. And that exactly what you want! As soon as you begin to lower their inner defense they will most likely see the situation less threatening and be more inclined to see your viewpoint.
3) I understand
According to Dr. Paul W. Sweets author of “The Art of Talking So That People Will Listen” says “Everyone likes to be understood…. Dr. Sweets would say I understand that you might feel…” and then he mentions that one must use a word that describes what the other individual might feel like:
And much more….
When you use this specific line and you mention what they might feel it shows that you are interested in what they feel at that precise moment and that you want to solve the issue now in a civilized manner.
4) I think
The Last Step in this process is just to say what you think or feel. Make it brief and to the point. Dont be going around the bush! Just spit it out and begin by saying ” I think…”but please don’t forget that this is the last step not the first! Many times we start out by stating our opinions and then we might do the other steps.
What you think is last!
Try to hear them out and recognize what they feel first!
Use these lines in your next and all other everyday conflicts and see the tremendous benefits you will receive.
Categories: Secrets to conversation