The key ingredient to anything is important especially when it comes to conversation.For example lets say that you have every ingredient to make a chicken taste good but if you don’t have the chicken which is the key ingredient you will definitely fail. No doubt about it. Do you wish to fail? Of course not! So even before we get to techniques or key openers to converse with anyone the main ingredient you need is the ability to “OBSERVE”.
You must observe before you approach. It’s like when a lion hunts for its prey. It just doesn’t run and try to catch a zebra. Well, because if it does it has a great chance of failing. Once that Zebra sees the lion from a far running towards him he’s going to go flying for his life and many times outrun the dangerously starving lion. So what does the lion do? It first gets as close to the zebra pack without making a noise and just sits and observe and with just that he can find out which one is the closest and weakest zebra in the herd.
After the period of observation it mentally is ready to go and finally eat his lunch. Forget about well done, the lion don’t care. all he wants is that bloody flesh in his mouth. But as you can see it will succeed now because instead of just jumping in and acting desperately the lion just stares and observes and knows who to catch. You want to be like that lion who observes before it actually pounces. Before you start a conversation just lay back with a margarita in your hand and observe. (If you don’t like margaritas then I suggest mojitos.) You don’t actually need alcohol but you need to be in a state of calm. How do you reach the state of calm?
Well, just go to a private place like the bathroom and just close your eyes and take a deep breath. After that keep focusing on your breathing and do it about three times. This should definitely release some tension you have build up. About a year ago I went into the bathroom to do the breathing technique and while I was in the stall when I finally opened my eyes, on the wall there was a joke that cracked me up. I giggled so hard that it actually reduced even more my stress before going out to be the “ULTIMATE CONVERSATIONALIST” and start to observe the scenery. The joke on the wall said: If 4 out of 5 people suffers from diarrhea …. Does that mean one enjoys it? So simple and maybe even might say corny but at the moment it helped me. So after your deep breathing you go out and begin observing. But it isn’t just about looking and that’s it because if you tried to do that you are setting yourself up for failure. We are avoiding failure here.
So lets begin with step 1 of observing.
Be a natural spectator
Yes you are observing people to see who you want to begin talking with, but just pretend for the next five minutes that you are only there to look. Don’t kill yourself over this. You are only looking to see the different people who are walking in or walking out. We all look at people and it’s completely normal. We might look for different reasons like I might look to see those girls’ legs or just really appreciate that argyle sweater that the guy has. I might look because his shirt has some dialogue in it and I want to read it. She might look at the guys arms because she into muscular arms. He might look because that dog is so ugly he needs to take a mental picture to then remember the dog and use it in a future conversation. So as you can see we all look and we do it constantly. So just act like yourself and look like if it was any other day. Look at her or him or those dogs or those old age ladies or even maybe the retired old semi naked man with the cane. Just be a natural spectator.
Stay low profile
What do I mean by low profile? I mean just don’t be nosy or suspicious. Stay on the low. Step 1 encouraged you to look but there is a difference between looking and staring like a pedophile creep. When you look sit or stand in a comfortable place where u can be seen but not that easy where anyone can just point you out. Because if people begin to catch you will receive nasty stares or even be ignored. So while you observe how else you can stay at a low profile? Just pretend to be or actually try to be a bit busy.
For example you should look busy by reading the newspaper or an article on your phone. You can also be eating a small snack or drinking a nice caramel latte or a basic cold Pepsi. It’s all up to you what you prefer and which one are you mostly comfortable with. And please just for the record don’t be eating ribs or a 7 course meal because other than you look sloppy you won’t be focus on trying to talk. I have seen it happened where my friend Mahboobeh(the names have been changed for protection)was actually trying to get it in with a Greek chic across the room.
But what was not helping was his meatball sandwich. Don’t get me wrong its seducing smell could take anyone one down but he looked like a four year old mess gobbling down that thing. And what was the result? She never looked at him again after she saw him eating like that. What a shame. So Instead your mind will be thinking about the food and its mouth watering flavors that roll down your throat and into your stomach.
Probably not the best moment to be indulging your crazy appetite. But one way I like to observe but only if the circumstances permit me is that I like to use my sunglasses. Sunglasses other than making you look cool they can make it difficult for others to see if you are looking at them or not. Get any pair of sunglasses (They be better if they were darker). And just look but once again not like a stalker just casual like nothing ever happened.
If you follow these two important steps when it comes to observing ,you will have no problem.
So now you’re observing and you ask so now what? Well, as you look see if they are accompanied or are alone. Look at their hands check for any rings.(If your not looking to meet your future one and just want to talk then rings don’t matter) Look at their clothing and way of posture. Look at their facial expression. You look from toe to head but you what you must come to a conclusion and ask yourself is: Are they approachable at the moment?
Such a significant question. Ask yourself this before approaching because if you see that he or she is accompanied by twelve people and they are all in an engaging conversation about Shakespeare’s Hamlet, are they approachable?
If you see that he is with a woman and they are talking with serious eye contact and she looks like she might tear up, are they approachable?
If you see the blonde across your street at the star bucks screaming to her iphone 6 and smashing against the wall, is she approachable?
If you see the waiter at your local restaurant on break with his hands over his face and is pulling out his earrings while blood spatters on his face, is he approachable?
So we get the point you must observe to come to that conclusion. The more you go out and observe for more than five minutes out in your local park, starbucks, dunkin donuts, supermarket or any other place I guarantee it you will begin to pick up clues and see if he or she are approachable. At first it might be scary because you then want to approach but just focus on observing. Approaching is later. Just go out and observe folks. Watch everyone you have no limit! Take a deep breath and clean your eyes out because now you are a step closer to being the ULTIMATE CONVERSATIONALIST.
And my question to you guys is what did you guys think about this article? Please leave a comment. Thank you.
(c) 2014 Aurus Sanchez
Categories: Secrets to conversation